Pastor Lindie craill - turning ashes into beauty
Recently Team Talk chatted to Lindie and I asked her to share her story with our readers. Lindie is no ordinary woman. When I first saw her, I could feel the light of joy radiating from her heart. I could sense her passion for Christ and her willingness to help heal broken hearts and broken lives to the Glory of God.
This is her story……
“I am blessed and I am surrounded by God's mercy. I am, Pastor Lindie Craill, born on the 6th of November 1972. I am blessed with a wonderful God-fearing family. My husband is the head of the congregation and the regional overseer of the Eastern Cape of the Full Gospel Church in SA. I have 3 children; my eldest son is 26, my second son is 21 and my daughter is 11 years of age.
Growing up it was my sister and me against all odds. We were raised with strict and rather rigid values of attending church. This might appear normal but beyond what the naked eye could see and one could understand dysfunction pierced out. At the time I couldn't see any purpose in going to church. I attended church as my societal, and familial duty not out of free choice.
You might wonder why significant while others would ask me why I wear the mask. But no one could see the depth of the pain inside me. The mask protected me from allowing people in and was my defence mechanism against the pain. I hid it so well that no one else could see it.
The most important thing to me was that people believed and perceived that I was always happy. Especially my mother. She worked hard for everything we had. My mother and father were divorced when I was an infant in Bloemfontein. I don't think I was even a year old when she moved to Uitenhage with my sister and me. We stayed together for a while until my mother met her second husband. Many people pretend to be what they are not, and he was one of them. But my mother didn't see it. Yet I understand why, she was young and had just found someone who appeared to have truly loved her. But appearances are deceitful, leaving me to still question whether he ever truly loved her.
He was the demise of my worth. He brought darkness into my life when he raped me at the age of three. I never uttered a word about it until it was what I believed was too late. At that age one complies when one's life is threatened. "If you speak, I will kill you". Those words were imprinted in my head. One does not always understand it until you've been through it yourself. You lived in fear every day. The question always came up of when will it happen again. How can I prevent it? I was petrified and thought if I were to speak no one would have believed me and he would convince everyone that I was lying.
My mother never knew about it. When he came to visit, I always shied away. He would try to buy our love with smarties and soft drinks when he came to visit. We struggled a lot at that time financially which made anything nice would feel like Christmas. My mother and her now-former husband got married not long after, and it only got worse. He had no children. It was just me and my sister.
Every day was filled with fear. It continued like this until the age of 13/14. When I met my husband everything changed. I was 14 years old and had a great boyfriend. A man that understood my values, and principles and understood me. He finally left me alone when I started dating my husband. My husband made me feel safe. Finally, I could have more peace in my heart. But I just couldn't shake off the pain and the sadness. I didn't tell my husband anything about my life to that degree. It made me feel dirty as if I wasn't good enough, and I kept it a secret. I was afraid if I told my husband he would leave me. I've always kept it a secret, but the truth always comes out. I was in a traditional church while my husband was in the Full Gospel church. I got the opportunity once in a while to go to church with him and used every chance I could to go with him. One Sunday morning I went to church with him again but this time I had an experience.
The Lord touched me deeply that morning and I did not want to leave His presence. I just wanted to stay in it and soak it up. It is a feeling that one cannot describe to people. My mother was very against our relationship, but we pushed through for 6 years before we got married on my 21st birthday. We went through many storms in those 6 years but the Lord carried us through.
While we were dating I got baptized. When I finished school, I started working at the dentist. I worked as a chair assistant as well as a receptionist in the accounting department. The Lord already called my husband to minister when he was in school. He took advice from his Pastor to go to work first and make sure about it. We got married on November 6, 1993. We bought a house in April 1994.
The Lord called again and said He needed my husband in the ministry. And it was in September 1994 that my husband came to me and said he could not go against the Lord. I told my husband that the Lord did not call me, I should pray about it first. That next day I went into fasting and prayer. I fasted and prayed and asked the Lord to give me the right answer. It was a big decision; we will have to give up a lot. That night, when I got home, I went into prayer and told the Lord that nothing is too much to give up for Him.
I want to be in His will - not my own. The Lord gave me the scripture in Ephesians 4 verse 1-6 "So I, the prisoner for the Lord, appeal to you to live a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called [that is, to live a life that exhibits godly character, moral courage, personal integrity, and mature behaviour—a life that expresses gratitude to God for your salvation], 2 with all humility [forsaking self-righteousness], and gentleness [maintaining self-control], with patience, bearing with one another [a]in [unselfish] love. 3 Make every effort to keep the oneness of the Spirit in the bond of peace [each individual working together to make the whole successful]. 4 There is one body [of believers] and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when called [to salvation]— 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 one God and Father of us all who is [sovereign] overall and [working] through all and [living] in all." I then told my husband that we can go. We both resigned in the December of 1994. We went totally in faith. No income whilst still having debt from a house.
Despite it all, we had peace because if God truly calls you, He will open the doors for you. The Lord has been so good to us. I made the first call to a workplace and they immediately told me to come in for an interview. With God's favour over my life, He immediately provided me with that job. It was (and still is) a sign of how good God is, and that if you rely on Him that He will provide.
It was the theme throughout my husband's studies - we relied upon God, and He provided. I worked to help keep the pot afloat and my husband studied. He did point service (traffic control) for extra income and I also helped with that. After my husband graduated, he did his probation period in Uitenhage. He got a year's probation. We had been to three congregations before we were called to the Full Gospel Church Algoa Park. I prayed and asked the Lord to be with a congregation where I could stay and not send my children from one school to another.
We have been in the congregation for 15 years now and we are truly happy with our church family. We were in the congregation for 4 years when my husband was chosen as Regional Overseer of the Eastern Cape. We often went away for meetings as part of the job. I often asked my mother and her former husband (still married at the time) to come and stay at my house and look after my children. I still had a steady job when we were called to Algoa Park. It was 11 years ago when my husband said we should go in faith, and that I should be full-time with him in the ministry. The Lord has only been good to us and after that, He took care of us every day. Faith was crucial to the process.
In the meantime, I learned what it entailed to be a Pastor through the experience that I gained by being in ministry full-time. Till suddenly 6 years ago I started studying. I studied for 3 years and did 3 years of probation. I experienced many things during the 6 years of studying. But to God be the glory, for this year I will be ordained. He made the way.
During this process, I started to notice that my little girl did not want to stay with my mother anymore, and immediately I started to wonder if he (my former step-father) was doing something to her. Why did she scream every time we left? She wanted nothing to do with my mother. Yet my mother had only been good for her, and immediately a million things flew through my head. I started to question why I got so much word from the Lord of what He wants to do for me but why did it not come to fulfilment? I realised that I had a blockage in my life. The blockage caused nothing in my life to work properly. One evening I was lying in my bed when I burst into tears. I realized then and there that I had to tell my husband - I could not go on this. way anymore.
I was worried that he would leave me because of my secret that he never knew. But when I came out with it, my husband was the one who supported me. I told him I would understand if he wanted to leave me, I was ashamed and felt vulnerable and remained silent. But all my husband said to me was that I will stand by you and he reminded me that it's not my fault. Yet still, I did not tell my mother. Suddenly I just started getting sicker and sicker. I was in and out of the hospital regularly. It was one problem after the other. From my gallbladder removal to an eating disorder. Until I ended up with depression.
I couldn't sleep anymore I couldn't eat. It is something that one cannot describe to people. I asked the Lord to please heal me. He answered me and said, "The truth will set you free". My mother's ex-husband caused so much trouble between me and my sister. Lying to us about what we said about each other. Everything was simply a lie. One weekend my mother came to stay with my husband and me as my niece's confirmation would be that Sunday morning in their church. That weekend a great disagreement broke out and my mother vowed to never come to visit me again.
My mother and I have always been close. I was in great pain. The Monday the Lord instructed me to put "the truth will set you free” on my status and I decided to listen. After my mother arrived back at her home, she read my status and asked me "Now, what's the truth?". I called her. I attempted to tell her the truth but as I was talking she would hang up the phone. After the fourth time, she threw the phone down in my ear and I thought she had a stroke. I immediately called my sister and told her I had told our mother the truth. I couldn't take it anymore. It was like a well that was about to burst. She arranged for the reverend to go and see them. The reverend was talking to them when he said that he does not understand why she is telling these lies. As they were talking, he kept walking to the bathroom and wiping his face.
My mother and the reverend began to realize something. He kept on trying to contact me. I had an extreme panic attack. My husband immediately took me to the doctor, he gave me a calming injection and I slept until the next day. When I woke up, I blocked him. I told my mother he was trying to send me a message. My mother told me to unblock him, he wants to send you something. He confessed everything to me and asked me to forgive him. My mother saw this and their marriage came to an end. I ruined it he said. I couldn't believe he was blaming me. My relationship with my mother needed reparation.
My sister, my mother and I were with their reverend to work through it all and amend our relationships. It went on like this for a few weeks. My mother had divorced him and she could not believe she had been married to a liar, a deceiver, for 40 years. I still needed healing. I went for counselling. But hate, rage and revenge were in my heart when the Lord sternly spoke to me. I wanted to make a case and have my revenge. But I knew it would take a long time and I'm going to have to relive that pain over and over again - straining my healing process. I asked him to sign everything over to my mother because she had to be able to live on something. He gave everything to my mother out of fear to go to jail. Yet, I still need to get well, I needed to heal completely. It was for this reason that the Lord instructed me to speak freely. After a season of healing, I asked the Lord what should I do.
The Lord answered with Ephesians 4:31-32, Matthew 6:14, John 8:32, Proverbs 15:1, Philippians 4:13, Jeremiah 1:5, and John 7:38. I had worked through these scriptures and spoke to the Lord saying I truly want to be free. Enough was enough. I tried to get hold of him because I want to forgive him for what he did to me. I did not want to do it over the phone, I wanted to do it face-to-face. I want to face my giant. But it was the Lord's plan that was destined to prevail.
One morning we just got to work when I told my husband I just want to go to Spar quickly. While I was talking to one of our congregation members he walks into Spar. I thanked the Lord for the privilege. I walked towards him, but he ran away from me feeling guilty. But I waited for him in the corridor. And then we met each other in the middle of the hallway. I needed to clear my heart and make way for forgiveness. He said ugly things to me at first, but I had so much peace in my heart and at that moment I told him I forgive him for what he did to me. I walked out with supernatural peace in my heart. From that day I absolved and released him from the prison of my heart.
From that moment I experienced more and more healing in my life. Today I speak from a place of experience and I advise you to trust the Lord your God. If He speaks listen and know that He will provide and make a way. Speak freely and find your healing.
Since doing this in my life, I have experienced many breakthroughs in my ministry.
You are just one step away from your breakthrough.
I hope my story could help you obtain breakthroughs in your life.”
Team Talk would like to thank Lindie for sharing her story with our readers. We pray that God will continue His great work in your life and the lives of your family.
