I'll Praise you in the storm - jaco botha
When I first met Jaco, I was greatly moved by the gentleness found in him. He is a man of character, a man of faith and a man after God’s own heart. In one word, I would call him “extraordinary”. He is a man that understands loss and heartache.
Recently Team Talk chatted to Jaco and asked him to share his story with our readers. His story is one of great courage and one of keeping the faith through it all.
This is my story - Jaco.
“I was born 12 September 1985 in Pretoria…healthy young boy with two very young parents. I always joke when people ask me why my parents are so young… I’d say, “I went on December holiday with my dad and came back with my mom to write her matric year”. Being the oldest boy of a new generation on both sides of the family meant that I was spoiled by all my grandparents. I was really blessed to grow up with all 4 x grandparents/1 x step grandfather, 5 x grate grandparents and a grate-grate grandmother who was 99years old.
I never grew up with a silver spoon and there were some really tuff times that my parents went through as young parents, but they always made sure I had everything I needed. I was brought up in a good Christian home... my dad was a conservative NG-kerk boertjie and my mom a little bit more charismatic. My ouma Tossie (My dad’s mom) was a powerhouse for Jesus and made sure I knew Jesus was from a young age. 11 January 1990 my sister was born, and I was a proud big brother. My mom had three unfortunate miscarriages before my sister and could no longer have any kids after surviving cancer by the grace of God. I know that one day I will meet my brothers and sister in heaven.
My dad taught me almost everything I know about hunting, fishing, shooting and how to work with my hands…he taught me how to be a real “Laaitie”. My mom made sure I could cook, be man in the house and she tried her best to get me to clean up after making a mess, but that one never really took well.
Primary school was rather challenging for me. I was bullied and teased a lot for being tall, skinny and called a softy…even some of my family teased me a lot to the point where I had very little self-confidence as a young boy. High school faced a different challenge as well when I got to puberty…let’s just say there is nothing more confusing going from boy to young man with raging hormones. After school I couldn’t wait to leave home…be a man…do the fun stuff of being an adult and no more living under your parents roof. Needless to say, I regretted that decision very quickly.
My dad was a master carpenter in his trade and that’s where I developed a passion for woodwork from a young age…always helping my dad and worked for him in school holidays. After about 6 months of working at liquor store in Pretoria, my dad made me an offer to come work for him in Jeffrey’s bay building log homes. I still think he just did it because he missed me.
In 2004 I saw this amazing girl at the gym I joined when I moved to J-bay. I remember telling my friend Phillip…”Ek gaan eendag met daai girl trou…” and sure as could be I got married to my wife Shani in September of 2005.
We started a family in 2007 with our first born daughter Anika and our second daughter only in 2014. So many people ask…”Why the 7 year gap?”, Well Anika was 4 and a half when she slept through for the first time…so having a nother child was not on our priority list for a while. Looking back at the lifestyle we lived back then... it's so scary to see how well I lived for the world and I say I for a reason. I am the husband and father of my house...I was supposed to lead by example, but I served the world well. Friends, sports, worldly music, money, lust and all those fun things to do... except picking up my cross to follow Jesus Christ.
Yet... looking back now, I only see the Loving hand of Jesus Christ that protected us in those times. Even though I never departed from our faith in Jesus Christ, I didn't serve Him as a man of God. I didn't really read Bible... went to Church every now and again...and prayed when I needed something. People sometimes fall so quickly in S.O.S Christian mode...we pray only when we need something and when something bad happens we ask..."where was God"
Even though I had my ups and downs while in the world...it was as if money could always solve your problem's. "If I just land that contract" or "no matter who I need to bribe...I need to get that deal through". Everything was always a worldly deal to wangle no matter the cost.
When lockdown came...it hit really hard. The company I worked for closed doors in PE and I had my family to take care of and my parents who lived in a cottage my dad built in our yard for them. They moved in with us in 2018 after my dad's second stroke due to stress and I wanted to help them...but obviously not knowing what is coming.
2020 the Lord started to stir up my soul again...but like never before. I repented and truly devoted my life in fullness to Jesus Christ in 2021. I got filled with the fire of the Holy Spirit at a men's meeting together with my pastor one night in April and it was mind blowing. I remember thinking this is amazing and nothing can get my down. Not realizing God was busy strengthening my spirit for what was to come.
An amazing man of God (oom André) who was in our church became a very special spiritual father for me, together with my pastor Louwtjie. I know oom André prayed for me more than I could ever say thank you. I was at a spiritual level in my life like never before...like a person learning to walk and run after 36years...but I could feel in my soul the Lord was preparing me for something. Oom André got sick in August 2021 and passed away on 3rd September 2021...that really shook me. I couldn't understand why would God take away my spiritual father who lead me back to Jesus.
That night in prayer the Lord laid it on my heart "You were his last sheep...his last number" and it gave me a peace to know that I will one day see him in heaven. At that time my parents came back from Pretoria and my mom got sick...but she was doing well as my dad took care of her. My dad was struggling with thick blood and was not able to get his check up due to covid panic, so he pushed through as best possible.
My mom started getting better and then my dad got sick...so we treated it as best we can, but is always very stubborn when he is sick. I remember my dad sending me a message the Wednesday 8th of September...it was the first time ever that my dad asked me to pray for him...and it hit me "something is wrong..." I prayed for my dad like never before...but every time I would go check up on him... he'd say "ek's okay" .
9-11 became a number forever printed in my memory...not because of the twin towers in US but because of the fall of my tower in my life. I remember my mom screaming my name from the cottage that Saturday morning...I couldn't care about any sickness or virus at that time...I just had to help my dad. It was the most frightening thing I've ever experienced ... holding my dad while he is dying. At that point in time all I could do was pray for him... begging Jesus to save him...and told him I love him so much. Within minutes my dad was gone.
I had first aid training...knew CPR...but all I could do was pray for my dad. Even after he passed away I just prayed and thanked the Lord for my dad...I was even lead by the Holy Spirit to anoint him with oil and prayed for my mom. It was a calmness that came over me that I could not explain. I even carried my dad's body out of the house because they couldn't bring a stretcher in...It was strength only from the Holy Spirit.
The Sunday morning when I woke up...my first birthday without my dad...I asked the Lord..."What now...how do I celebrate this day after yesterday...?" The Holy Spirit comforted me with the most amazing revelation... " I gave you to your father 37years ago and he was the first person to hold you in his arms... yesterday I gave you the opportunity to give your father back to Me as you held him in your arm's "...I could not explain the what that meant to me.
Jordan Peterson had a quote..."You should be the strongest person at your father's funeral..." I made that my prayer request for the Lord... asking Him to give me the strength to be able to be that person...
The Holy Spirit gave me calmness that only He can get the Glory for...He guided me to lead my father's funeral service and be the pillar of support for my family. But in all the craziness of funeral and planning, reality never really kicks in. It was when the dust started to settle that you actually start making sense of everything. I just reached a point where I could not longer keep a straight face...my heart ache started to overwhelm me.
Seeing my dad's handy work in all that we made together...seeing my daughter's cry for him...seeing my mom hart broken...it all just got to me. It got so overwhelming that I would go sit in my garage or bakkie and cry just so that no one would see me and hid my pain. But the Holy Spirit had to mould me like hard clay as there were still to many crack's and lumps that needed to get smoothed out. My life started crumbling like a pot being broken to be turned back to clay for a new pot...but I didn't see it then.
Our family split apart...my business took a nose dive...and I was spiritually attacked and tested like never before. Doubt and depression over whelmed me...and it felt like I had no one I could talk to...my dad my rock was gone...my mom and I had a misunderstanding that turned into a fight so big that we didn't talk to each other. It felt like my life turned into a mess in a matter of days.
I had a terrible nightmare the one night and jumped up at 3am crying uncontrollably... doubting myself for not doing more to save my dad...for not trying CPR... doubting myself that I prayed wrong...thinking I was unworthy that God didn't listen to my prayer...these lies and thoughts broke me to the point where I couldn't ...
Condemnation overwhelmed to breaking point. I reached a point where couldn't pray...felt like I was mute...I felt so disconnected from God it was scary. I was standing at a fork in my life...do I trust in God by faith or do I turn my back on Him for taking the people I loved. I remembered the song I chose for my dad's funeral...Gratitude..."
So I throw up my hands and praise you again and again...coz all that I have is a hallelujah"... and that was like water being poured to make that clay soft...and that was all I had. I just sang worship songs and made a noise for my God...coz it was all I could do, but I couldn't give up on what God was busy doing to me in my life. I reached a point where I just gave over...and the Holy Spirit was like..."thank you, finally"...now let's begin.
The words of Jesus in Matthew 16:24 "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me." was my first step to recovery and I made it physical with the cross on the back of my suspenders. As a reminder every time I put it on, I pick up my cross.
"Repair what's broken between you and your mother...not by reasoning, but just love..." I said Lord I don't have money or time but I trust in you alone..." I flew up 5days later to Johannesburg to surprise her on here birthday and the love of Jesus healed and mended our broken relationship...and I give God all glory.
Even in my business... It's been faith and prayer this last year getting through week by week... praying every morning with my guys...giving God all the glory day to day because there has been no certainty of what's next.
And the one day in prayer with God I asked Him..." Why have You been keeping me on the edge this last year, even though I have pray to You and given You glory for all we have every day." and the Holy Spirit just spoke so clear and said..."would you have relied on Me...and given Me the Glory for what I gave you, if you had a project to sustain you for a year?..."
It shook me and I just give God glory for every blessing every day. But my greatest struggle was self forgiveness... accepting that what I did by faith to pray for my dad was truly God's will and that my obedience had a greater purpose than I could ever understand. I know I'm a working progress.... like clay in God's hands, but that is the only hands I want to be trusted in.
The moment you start walking in obedience with no understanding and your mind can not make sense of your calmness and trust... That's when you are walking Faith and that's when God can start working on you... moulding you to His glory and to His Will for the plans He has for you.”
Jaco Botha.
Team Talk would like to dedicate this article to Kobus Botha. I know you are proud of your son. May God lift him higher and higher as he keeps on keeping on to the Glory of God.
Me and my dad
